Family PJs | stockings knitted & plaid | tree | rug

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

There is so much to be thankful for and to reflect on this past year. This year has brought so many highs and lows for our family. And while its easy for me to dwell on the hardships and sad times, I look at this family of mine and am reminded of how blessed I am. God gave me these people whom I am so underserving of.

Since I have not been writing and sharing much lately, I wanted to share the big news since I gave birth to baby Nate.

I am now officially a full-time stay-at-home mom 😳. It has been one of the hardest, but most obvious decisions I’ve had to make…

a new season of life

When I was a little girl, I dreamt about the day when I would get married, have babies, and get to stay at home. It looked like so much fun! As a kid, it seemed like being a mommy was so easy and getting to stay at home all the time and doing whatever you wanted was SO.MUCH.FUN.

Right?!

Wrong. 

When I left for maternity leave after having baby Nate, I had every intention of going back to work at the end of my 12 weeks. I was naive and really believed I could have it all – a job I loved, while also taking care of my babies. But as I was in the thick of the newborn days and taking care of a toddler, I realized working full-time and being at home with two babies just was not a possibility for our family at the moment.

So it was time to make the obvious decision, Trey and I decided that I was going to stay home and take care of our children.

But at the time, I was in such a bad place mentally and emotionally – making this huge decision and life change even harder. I had the baby blues, anxiety and sadness. I was so overwhelmed with taking care of two babies and feeling so inadequate as a mother. So leaving my job felt like I was completely losing myself. I was losing something I was actually good at – my job. And if I was losing that…what was I good at?

I was scared of leaving my career behind and terrified of being alone with my children.

Well it’s been about 3 months since leaving my job and I’m happy to report that I’m okay! I’m surviving! There are still days I struggle with not working and miss my career, but I don’t ever regret being at home with my babies.

The anxiety and those feelings of inadequacy has waned. They come and they go, but I don’t feel as sad or overwhelmed. It’s true what they say, it does get easier. We are all getting into a rhythm and routine at home and everyone is adjusting very well. I say this 5 months postpartum. This was not true 3 months ago.

I still have to remind myself that this is not the end of ‘career woman – Uyen’. This is just a pause – putting my work on hold and when the time comes, I’ll get after it again.

I think not working is something I’ll always struggle with. Not only for the financial aspect and need to do something on my own, but it’s also the fear of not being able to keep up and refine my professional skills. The unknown scares me.

Being a stay at home mom is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done, but also very isolating and lonely. I think most people forget that. You’re at home with your children, but it’s also just you and them depending on you.

I know this is just a new season of life that I’ll continually need to adjust to. I know this time will come and go in the blink of an eye and I will never regret this decision.

I once read, “Motherhood is the road to sainthood.” I couldn’t agree more and I have to remind myself this daily. Motherhood is full of sacrifices. I just need to remind myself to find the joy in it all.

P.S. we really should be able to have it all – work and raise our children, but that’s for another day…

I couldn’t end this post without properly thanking certain people for my survival and happiness these past several months, because lets be honest – it truly takes a village.

First off, I couldn’t do life with #twoundertwo daily without my husband. I COMMEND single mothers or any mom whose husband can’t be home all the time. Trey has stayed up late, worked through the night, killed himself, just so he can leave work early to come home and help me on days where I am just worn out.

I’m so grateful for some dear, dear cousins (you know who your are) who have come over, sometimes weekly, to play with the babies, help me, keep me company and brought me lunch. I am so thankful for these group of people. It brings tears to my eyes to think about how much happiness just their presence have brought me on the tough days. I could not do it without you guys.

For some very special friends, who brought me lunch, cooked us dinner and just checked in with me, especially during those first few months.

Last but not least, my own mom. She is my angel. She is mine, Trey’s and our children’s angel. She has been my best friend on days where I feel incredibly lonely. She tirelessly cooks, cleans dishes, bottles and toilets, as well as watched the babies so I can nap. She doesn’t ever stop even when I know she’s exhausted herself. She has been my errand and shopping partner. She has honestly been my everything. Trey and I constantly say how we couldn’t do this without her and we miss her so much when she’s not with us. Siena Rose and Nate light up when they see her. I’m not always very nice to her, but I hope she knows how much I love and appreciate her.

 

So if you made it this far, I thank you! I’m grateful you are reading this! And if you’re a mom struggling, just know you’re not alone. It’s hard. But it’s worth it! I wouldn’t trade this for anything.

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