Reflecting on 25.
I hit my quarter century mark about a month ago and I have so many emotions and so much gratitude to God for these past 24 years of life. I wanted to share a few reflections but never got around to doing so, but here it is.
So a few weeks before turning 25 I found myself jobless and completely lost as to where I was going in life. My mom kept saying “I can’t believe I’m going to have a 25 y/o in a few weeks.” And I just told her not to talk about it because I was dreading it. I was so upset because I felt like such a failure. I had so many goals and expectations for myself at 25. I was supposed to have a great career. I was supposed to be taking care of my parents. But I was jobless and my mom was still sneaking me $20s for lunch money. I hated it and I hated myself. I remember there were countless nights where I’d be up crying to Trey asking what was wrong with me. Why wasn’t anyone hiring me? Did I make a mistake? Should I have stuck with news? Why did I turn down that offer in Raleigh? Was this God’s way of telling me I should still pursue a career as a journalist? I felt so lost. I felt like a disappointment to my family.
But God is good. No, I take that back. God is great. All my life I’ve been a worry wort. I’m an over thinker and a control freak. I don’t live my life by day, but by years. I’m constantly thinking ahead. I’m always planning for the next year or the next move and I never just stop to enjoy the moment. So when I can’t see the road ahead of me and when things get shaky and unclear, I doubt. And it’s hard for me to trust God when I know it’s exactly what I should be doing. But God is so funny. And I am so stupid because in every step of my life, big or small, God has always, always provided and put me right where I should be. Just on His time. And just like now, after all those months of doubt, questions, fears, tears, and rejections, I am at a job and place where I love. Just two weeks before my birthday I got engaged and started an amazing job. And I don’t think I’m worthy of these blessings because of all my doubt. Yet time and time again, God has shown me that I need to trust because He has been walking with me this whole way.
What I’ve learned: no matter where you are in life, it’s okay to be lost. No one has it all figured out. It’s okay to take risks and it’s okay to make a career move. It’s okay to be pursuing something you didn’t “go to school for.” And most importantly, don’t compare yourself to others. That was a great piece of advice a good friend gave me. No one is the same. Your goals and your situation are not the same as the next person, so don’t torture yourself over what someone else is doing or has accomplished. Lastly, I just want to say that wherever you are in life, career, age, just trust and pray. God doesn’t give what you want. He gives you what you need.
#whatiworewednesday: I grabbed this Aerie off-the-shoulder sweater in two colors for $19 each! It’s still on sale, but sizes are quickly going (I’m wearing an XS). I was really afraid it was going to be itchy, but I have to say its one of the softest sweaters I own. I also grabbed these cropped flares in two colors for $40 each. They are so comfy and perfect for work (wearing a 2P). I ordered all of these items just last week and I’m so surprised that sizes have run out so quickly! Like most women my age, I like the finer things in life. Not just finer, but ridiculously high-end finer, but I just don’t have the budget for it. So when I saw these Ivanka Trump Liahs, which are an exact dupe for the Chanel slingbacks, I HAD to have them. They sold out quickly everywhere, and just recently restocked in all sizes, but I’m seeing they’re quickly going again. For reference, I’m usually a 6.5 in heels but ordered these in a 7 and they fit perfect.